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Signs if a man/woman loves you | Signs a man/woman loves you and their likes & dislikes:
- Possibly loves you if he/she does most of the following (Don't treat this as a checklist, make a judgement call):
a) calls you if you don't show up in class or at work. Talks with you at night.
b) spends most of the time with you even when he/she is around friends.
c) when walking with you, walks very slowly. Shares her hobbies with you.
d) Offers to give you a ride home or offer to pick you up.
e) sends many text messages later even after spending most of the day with you.
f) wants to have lunch with you everyday or as often as possible.
g) seems happy and relaxed in your company. As he/she starts believing you as a potential family member, will often talk about personal family and aspirations with you.
- What most women like in men for entering into a relationship: Although it differs by person but most women like...
a) a man who makes her laugh or tries to make her smile when she is sad. One who also himself smiles a lot.
b) a man who gives a feeling of stability and security. She is not expecting an Aamir Khan. or John Abraham but too fat/obese or underweight/malnourished looks won't help unless she is in the same category. She aspires for one whom she can trust and feel comfortable/secured with.
c) a man who admires her looks. Accepts & unconditionally loves her the way she is. Compliments her dress, hairstyle, attire, bag, shoes etc.
d) a man with a charming persona: Not full of himself. Decent looks but smart, self confident with good communication skills. Potential to be financially secured if he is not currently.
e) a man who cares honestly: Takes her out somewhere with no 'physical touch' in mind. She expects him to stand up for her when she is in trouble. Calls her at night to wish her sweet dreams. When she is away, texts/calls her to convey how much he misses her.
f) What most women hate: Show of wealth, abnormally lean or too much muscle, checking other girls, immature talk.
- What most men like in women for entering into a relationship: Again, it differs by person but most men like...
a) a woman with a good smile: Most men go crazy and get attracted to women with a lovely smile. One who respects and makes him feel good about himself.
b) a petite woman: Height to him is not a big issue but weight is extremely important. He will usually keep away from women who are stronger/more weighty than he is.
c) a pretty looking woman: Men are more 'visual' and women more 'emotional'. One who gives his testosterone a high is his preferred choice. So dress well and avoid baggy clothes, untidy hair/nails. Wear light jewellery and make up. Men prefer simple but smart woman who will be well received by his parents and friends.
d) a confident & independent woman: One who can handle various situations independently but is not loud-spoken.
e) a feeling of touch: Holding his hands makes him feel special. When walking next to him, gently touch his hand.
f) What most men hate: Anyone touching his hair, criticizing/control freaks, too much shopping, clingy attitude.
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Intimacy or sexual problems | Intimacy/sexual problems in a relationship:
- Best friend insisting on having sex. What to do?:
a) It is a signal that you are not in a right relationship and you should be firm in saying NO. Some friends look mainly for sex and some truly care. Just sex will NOT bring you closer. It involves trust, mutual respect and a deep level of commitment. Emotional connection is more important than just a physical one. Let the person know your feelings. Do not be afraid of losing your boyfriend or girlfriend if the pressure persists. You can always find another good trusted friend over time rather than succumb to sexual demands of your friend and get stressed/depressed later.
b) If friends get involved sexually during relationships, it becomes complicated as girls develop too much attachment/emotional dependence on the boy and fear of losing the relationship. Most boys on the other hand tend to lose interest. So to keep the relationship going, avoid sex till you are married. So if a close friend tries to pressurize you into having sex, then he/she is only looking to satisfy their own feelings and sexual urges. Walk away!
- Common sex questions: For answers to some other frequently asked sex questions: Click here.
- Loss of desire: Loosing interest in your partner over time may be due to physical, psychological, emotional, family or work related pressures/stress. Communication is critical in building trust and intimacy. Talk to your partner candidly and find out the underlying reason for the issue and then explore remedial action together. If facing difficulty, seek advice from trusted friend, close relative or doctor. For solutions for husband-wife problems at Click here and parent child sibling problems at Click here.
- How to know if someone is gay/lesbian (finding same sex attractive): If someone is still in their teens, do not worry! Wait as the sexual orientation of the person keeps on evolving till he/she is in their twenties. Do not analyze too much words like 'gay' (men attracted towards men), 'bi' (both sex attraction), 'lesbian' (women attracted towards women), 'asexual' (no attraction towards any gender) as they will only confuse you. Unless the person is dressed in a 'weird' way conveying his/her sexuality, there is no way to find out a person's sexual orientation just by looking at a person. Keep in mind that 'ear piercing', tattos etc are common these days and are no more indicative factors. Person's 'behavior' might be an indication if their body language conveys sexual/intimacy towards people of same gender/sex. Only way to find out is by tactfully asking the person.
- Will society accept gays/lesbians: Although you are not alone and society is becoming more open to accepting such relationships... but there are instances where gays/lesbians still get tremendous social/family pressures, have difficulty leading a normal life as some people try and put them down or may not accept them. Key for them is not to worry, spend time with their friends/family, socialize and try to lead a normal life. If their sexual orientation is towards being a gay/lesbian, they should take their family into confidence and also take counselling as that would probably help them to turn around and lead a normal life.
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Finding right life partner | Ways to find the right marriage life partner:
- Key attributes in a life partner: Keep in mind that no one is perfect and there is no one who will not evolve tomorrow. But the core values of the person with regards to honesty/trust/commitment/relationships/work should be strong. Ultimately listen to your heart. If you are willing to spend the rest of your life with this person, he/she is the one for you. Here are some key attributes...
a) Caring: Does he/she 'care' about you? See if the person misses you when not together or checks on you frequently when you are sad/ill and tries to lessen your pain.
b) Mutual respect: Your good looks and good financial health may be attraction factors but look for someone who also 'respects' you as a person. Someone who has a forgiving nature.
c) Communication: Physical attraction has a short shelf life. Someone who can have a good communication with you and your friends is important.
d) You vs. Me: Does he/she manipulate you for personal gains? Just WIIFM(What's In It For Me) attitude is not good.
e) Acceptance: Does he/she accept you the way you are? You like spending time with the person. You can't wait to get home and tell him/her all about your day.
f) Compatibility: Does he/she 'listen' to your views? Is your partner giving due importance to your viewpoints even though he/she may have a different opinion. To better understand your partner's attributes: Click here and enter the date of births.
- Ways to find a life partner:
a) Work on 'Yourself': It's not just about 'finding' Mr(s). Right, it's also about 'becoming' Mr(s). Right. So check what boys/girls like/hate in this article and work on your growth areas.
b) Ask directly: If you like someone but are scared to ask... 'Speak Up. Ask to get a quick coffee or something and convey how you feel. Worst scenario... the other person may refuse but that's better than a lifelong regret.
c) Set realistic expectations: Set a minimum criteria based on family, physical appearance, education and job expectations. Don’t be very rigid in your choice for the person and don’t be desperate... as it is long term commitment. Don't make the mistake of looking/waiting for the 'perfect' partner because there is no such person in this world. Accept that marriage is a trust based relationship where both partners need to make some compromises, unravel hidden pleasant attributes over time and make life fun for each other.
d) Work Colleagues: About 30% of work relationships end up in marriages. Check if there are compatible co-workers at your work place who can be your potential life partners.
e) Marriage Websites/Newspaper classifieds: There are 2 ways to explore matrimonial websites...
- Check prospective partners and replying on their profiles
- Put a good profile of your own also and expect responses.
Depending upon urgency, you may set a target of checking/replying to say 10 profiles online every week and meeting at least 1 prospect every fortnight/month till you finalize.
f) Marriage bureaus/pundits: If all above fails, then seek services of marriage bureaus or pundits.
- Before you decide to marry:
a) When to get married: Don't be impulsive. There is nothing wrong if you do not have a potential life partner even till late twenties. Average marriage time is now reaching late twenties. There is no 1 right age but most boys now prefer to get married around 27-28 and girls around 25-26 years. It is best to start search for your life partner about 3 years ahead of time and not delay till the last moment. Enjoy your time being single, Take your time as
marriage is one of the most important decisions of your life. Its difficult to judge a person in a few meetings. Have at least 6 months of dating time to gauge compatibility with your chosen partner.
b) Talk after marriage scenario: Discuss post marriage life responsibilities, roles and expectations before marriage. Be honest & clear about your expectations as far as family & work related commitments are concerned. As the girl moves to a new family, see that she is someone who will adjust in your family. Set expectations that she would work towards bringing the family all closer and not apart.
c) Final decision: Definitely seek advice from your friends/relatives but final decision must be yours as its 'your' life at stake! Don't marry someone because your parents/friends told you so. Ultimately it is your intention to make it work and ability to adapt yourself, that will ensure a long lasting alliance. If your heart, mind and instincts resonate with your partner even after multiple interactions... go ahead! But if your gut feel says something is not right about your chosen partner, wait or move on to another person.
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Dating Do's and Don'ts | How to impress a boy/girl friend on a date? Dating Do's:
- Smile/Presentation: Smile a lot. Make the girl feel important and comfortable. Wear a good, comfortable attire and a nice/not too much perfume. Sometimes your eyes convey what you truly feel so meet the other person eye to eye. Make non intimidating eye contact, casual intermittent glance away but focus again showing interest. Smile/laugh often, be polite and show genuine interest in the conversation. Boys- no offense - but resist the temptation of gazing below chin level! Check what boys/girls like in point 1 above.
- When/Where: Try for an early evening meeting in a good, not too crowded, clean public place like a restaurant or a walk in a mall/market. If you want to date a Facebook friend you have never met before, get to know him/her online first and then offer to meet offline along with a friend for the first time.
- Conversation: How you make the other person feel when you are with him/her makes/break the date. Ensure conversation is not all about 'you'. Do not talk about yourself unless asked and be a good listener. Focus on the other person's interests and pass the conversation emulating a good 'ping pong' game (listen-talk-listen) where both people get a chance to know each other. Incorporate humor and fun. Girls take time to open up, so strictly stay away from any type of touch or sex talk which could repel her and form an adverse opinion about you. Focus more on mutual chemistry versus physics or biology! Listen more than you speak, nod and respond at opportune times. Validate by asking interesting but non probing questions. Be honest in your talks and don't forget to pay her a genuine compliment.
- Bill settlement: Females usually want the male to pay the bill even if she is working. Pick one of the 3 scenarios...
a) Ideally, man should take the initiative and pay on the first date.
b) May split the cost by going 'Dutch'.
c) As a norm, person who invited should settle the bill. Offer to pay next time if other person pays.
- Followup: If you like the person at the end of your date, casually ask if he/she would like to meet again. If possible, the boy should drop the girl to her home safely or walk the lady to her car and wait till she is gone. Later, give a call or send a text message thanking for the lovely time you had with your date but don't sound desperate. If you did not have a great time, just say thanks and wish good luck.
Dating Don'ts:
- Distractions: Avoid checking your emails/messages on your phone. Take only very important calls but limit your conversation to about couple mins. Don't fiddle/play with cutlery or things on the table. Don't stare at other smarter people around. Mentally do not try comparing him/her to anyone... just have a fun time.
- Must avoid: Don't expect/demand a kiss in the first meeting. Do not share your date pictures with others on Facebook. Don't get drunk or talk about your past affairs unless absolutely necessary and never on the first date as they bring negative emotions to the surface and spoils the ambience/mood. When you do share a past affair, don’t go into too much detail no matter how much pain your 'ex' partner would have caused. Don't be rude to waiters in restaurants. Don't imitate someone, be what you are.
- What not to say?: Do not discuss religion, politics or show off your career/job. Do not ask sensitive or probing questions... this is not an interview. Avoid negative gossipy conversation or any sad unhealthy discussion. Don't share too much personal or financial information.
- Time: Don't be late. If late, don't be late by more than 5 minutes and notify your date. Don't overstretch the time as the conversation may get boring. Try to leave on a high note.
- Problems: Don't make your problems the focal point of discussion- unless you are in an established relationship. Present a happy persona even if your day did not go well. Do not bring down other person's day also by sharing your bad/sad experiences.
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Handling crushes | Handling crushes of/on your fiance(boyfriend/girlfriend):
- 'Your fiance has a crush on your friend' OR 'Some other friend has a crush on your fiance':
a) At young age, it is normal to be attracted to another person while still in a committed relationship. It is how you handle the situation that decides your future course together. First, don't assume that your fiance loves you less. If you start belittling your fiance or suspecting him/her or showing your mistrust through tantrums, it will repel the person, instead of making him/her realise the folly of going ahead with this temporary attraction.
b) Keep your cool. Have a frank talk with your fiance. Get clarity and set expectations politely. Try all means to convince your fiance but if he/she continues to talk about the other person and insists on going ahead regardless of your feelings... then release the fear of letting go, discuss future expectations clearly and possibility of breakup.
c) If you catch your fiance cheating on you and he/she asks for a second chance, decide whether you want to give one 'last' chance to him/her or not. If your fiance continues to be inclined towards other person, dump the partner. If situation does not change soon then snap ties and go on with life. Over time, you will get settled & be happier.
- Your fiance's friend has a crush on you:
a) You need to decide on one partner with whom to want to have a steady relationship asap otherwise you may have to face some hard conversation from your current fiance.
b) Crushes are normal as long as the intentions are good. Do convey asap about this 'other' friend's advancements to your fiance before he/she starts suspecting you.
c) If you are committed to your fiance, politely make it clear to the advancing person that you are not interested, might like to be friends and that he/she needs to stop unacceptable advancing gestures.
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Handling Fear | Fear of breakup/insecurity in a relationship/job loss, handling a breakup:
- Fear of relationship breakup: If your life partner is spending more time travelling or staying in a different city, trust him/her. Maintain contact by regular emails/text messages/video chats. Give your partner space if he/she is busy and praise his/her accomplishments. Spend quality time when together and don't just discuss your problems. See if you can help him/her or make your partner cheerful even remotely. Unconditional love and selflessness is vital for a long lasting relationship. Develop your self confidence, self love and identity and don’t revolve it only around spouse and family. Release fear of breakup and insecurities knowing that every relationship comes together to last long... but if it does not, it just came to teach you some vital lesson of life. To ensure you sustain/improve your existing relationship... check 'Husband-Wife' problems by clicking here or see what boys/girls like and hate above in point 1.
- Fear of job loss: Some people prefer to stay in jobs even if its painful/boring. Many choose to 'be unhappy' instead of dealing with 'fear of uncertainty'. In business, if people are praising or criticizing your work.. don't worry, as failure is an integral part of evolution. Yes, be concerned if you are being ignored or not adding value or not doing anything meaningful. Pause every 6 months and list down what 'value' you have added to the company or business. If you cannot articulate your 'value proposition' points, you need to pause and introspect your role, expectations and ask/set role priorities. Spare no efforts in your endeavors to upgrade your skills and embrace new learnings. Remember, 'fears' hold you back from getting things you want in life. If you plan and deliver honestly, you will be successful in life.
- Moving on after a relationship breakup or job loss:
a) Why did it happen to you?: Sometimes god does not give you what you think you want, not because you don't deserve it... but you deserve 'more'. So its important to move on even if you experienced a broken relationship or job loss. Probably the person/job was not right for you and time will offer you alternatives.
b) Handling loss: Yes, it is emotionally difficult. Do not repent or live in the past. It is easy to fall into trap of negativity, guilt, blame, mistrust and depression at this time but gather yourself before it is too late. Whatever happened today, will not repeat again unless you are going to commit the same mistake again. Put away photos/objects in a remote corner that may remind you of the past. If you want to let your emotions/internal feelings come out, scream once or cry at a quiet place. You will feel better.
c) What next?: Life is very dynamic & offers many pleasant surprises. So be open and have trust in your consciousness that it is for your good. Take a break and ask yourself... 'What would make you happy? Give yourself time as you talk to friends/relatives and explore related new opportunities. Despite some medium term uncertainties/hardships... welcome change as that is life's way of evolving you out and tap your true potential.
d) Do not underestimate yourself: After a job loss, establish a budget based on your needed expenses. For sometime, live for 1 day at a time, give it your best & don't think too much about future. If your are passionate about an idea... give it your 100%. Half hearted attempts don't go far. Take good care of yourself. Don't be rigid about one person or one idea... keep your options open. Before hunting another job, review mistakes to avoid by clicking here. After a relationship break, introspect & find what you could have done to make the relationship better, come up with couple of lessons learnt & absorb them for future relationships. If a couple who decides to separate already have children, tell them that they are not responsible for separation & reassure them about your love even going forward.
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Financial or Credit card problems | Financial issues with friends, constraints, credit card debt and Job hunting problems:
- Friends asking for expensive things/money: Know that you have full right to say 'No' and this is an important lesson one learns in his journey of growing up. Know that you can say No without fear of losing out on a true friend. Know that nobody can take advantage of you till you allow. For amounts that you can afford easily or forget... its ok. But if it hits your pocket severely or you may have an urgent need soon, politely say "I don't want to lose a friend over money but honestly, I have some urgent needs lined up and it would be difficult for me to lend". Try helping your trusted friend by lending partially or in other ways if you can. Help him in money management if he wants. Big money/objects borrowings between friends sometimes leads to misunderstandings, heated exchanges and creates a dent on the bridges of friendship. Hence avoid lending money unless you can give and literally forget about it.
- Friend not returning/forgot to return borrowings: Most friends return on time but if they forget... Don't ask directly. First, have a casual discussion on a related topic and drop a gentle reminder during the conversation. Continue your conversation to show that your visit/call was not specifically for the money. If this does not work, just ask without being rude. For business dealings with friends, do ensure you have the terms in writing and acknowledged on paper. Remember that proper emails are acceptable now as legally binding contracts. If you want to lend, you decide whether having a witness would be helpful or not.
- Cannot pursue higher studies due to financial constraints: Specialized qualification is very important in these times to secure a better position in job. Don’t let money or time constraints prevent you from achieving the qualification you desire. Where there is a will, there is a way. Students can explore any of the following 4 options...
a) Scholarships: Work hard and get excellent academic/sports credentials targeting certain colleges who 'give financial aid/scholarships' to super brilliant students.
b) Part time: Get any job, start saving money and pursue evening/part-time courses.
c) Pursue 'Distance Learning' courses which are slightly cheaper.
d) Company sponsored: Some companies sponsor executive courses or higher studies for 'exceptional' performers.
- Managing credit card debt/payments:
a) Ideally, one should have only 1 personal credit card without any annual fee. You may go for a 2nd card but keep it at home. Use 2nd card only if 1st card is lost and is being replaced by your bank.
b) Refuse bluntly who try to sell tempting credit card offers. To mitigate losses due to credit card thefts, have your credit limit as double of your average monthly expenses... no more even if the bank offers to increase the limit.
c) Always pay all balance dues every month and not just the 'minimum due' amount to avoid piling up your debt.
d) If you have a huge debt on your credit cards, then manage that using the following 5 ways...
* Switch to 100% cash or debit card payments only. Stop the urge to using credit card.
* Create a monthly budget of your most critical expenses and stop extra spending.
* Try getting a lower interest loan to pay off your credit card dues that have a much higher interest.
* Gradually consolidate all debt to 1 credit card that has the lowest interest rate & surrender all other credit cards.
* Try saving more from your monthly income and pay more every month to reduce outstanding principle amount.
For help in getting out of debt: Click here For credit card lost or stolen protection and help: Click here
- Job Hunting Problems:
a) Lack of focus/clarity on what path to take: Many youngsters face difficulty in understanding which career to choose. A person must seek information from various sources and then take his/her own decision based on interests - without any peer/parental pressure. For understanding various Management, Engineering, Finance, Medical, Vocational and Sports career options: Click here.
b) Resume, Interview and Job hunting: Most resumes do not adhere to corporate/industry expectations and many job aspirants make mistakes that hinder their job/internship opportunities. If you do what you love, then work also becomes a hobby. So knowing your strengths and interests goes a long way in being successful in your job. To get your dream job, a good self introspection exercise, an effective resume and value defining series of interviews can help anyone in his/her career. For a checklist of most common, resume, interview and job hunting mistakes to avoid- based on inputs from an ex-Google Director and other industry experts: Click here.
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Fear of failure | Fear of failure/Low self esteem:
- Fear of the unknown: It is the biggest contributor towards increasing your fear of failure. To help eliminate the 'fear of the unknown', list all risks that may happen and the worst case scenario on a piece of paper. Then take steps to mitigate those risks, create a contingency plan and be prepared. Also, 'acceptance' and 'ability to forgive' self is the key to releasing fear of failure.
- Consider the cost of missed opportunities: Consider what opportunities/higher benefits you will miss if you do not take corrective action or pursue different/aggressive goals.
- Benefits of failure: No one is perfect but is designed to go on the path of perfection. A baby does not stop its effort towards learning to walk even after several falls. Keep in mind that failures are key to embrace new learnings. So accept your failures the way you accept your successes. Understand that if there is failure, it is only because some qualification or new experience is yet to be achieved. Don’t blame destiny, stars or evil eye for that. Most successful people had to experience numerous failures before they became a success. So do not fear failures, treat them as 'learning experiences' and do not stop trying.
- Take calculated risks: Evaluate your personal profile. Ask yourself tough questions and be realistic/honest in your answers. If you are having a not-so-unique or outdated profile, then take steps to upgrade your skills. Set goals with a fixed time and give your 100% to achieve them honestly. Make sure that whatever you do is ethical.
- Don't live in the past: What's happened has happened. Do not worry about any criticism in your way. Surround yourself with positive people. Have fun experiencing what you want to do. Move on, have faith in yourself, make a fresh beginning and you can do it!
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Anger / Stress / Jealousy | Dealing with Anger / Stress / Jealous people:
- Ways to control your anger/stress: Remember it is not what happens to you, but how you take it. Few stress busters...
a) Take 3 continuous deep breaths and do not react immediately.
b) Timeout: Just take a break. Take time to evaluate the situation and see how to deal with it.
c) Change of place: Go to a friend's house or take a bath or watch a nice movie to refresh your mind & relax your body.
d) Listen to soothing music. Diffuse tension by learning to forgive.
e) Smile to diffuse tense situations. Remember, anger is no solution to any problem.
f) Yoga, rhythmic breathing and Pranayama help control emotions and restore peace of mind.
g) Flame emails: Do not reply to offensive emails immediately but after a few hours when you regain composure.
h) Vent out your anger by having a gym workout or a game like tennis/badminton/squash.
i) Let it out: If unable to cope up with inner emotions/anger, try crying or screaming loud in a quiet place.
j) Postponing an issue is not the solution as it will come back to haunt you again or get escalated. Face it and solve it.
k) For serious situations, seek advice from your trusted friend/parent in a candid manner- without being rude.
- How to deal with jealous people?
a) Listen well and analyze comments. If its constructive feedback, embrace that will help you evolve.
b) Analyze the issue seeing it from other person's perspective. Ignore rumours and get your facts right.
c) Jealous people want you to react. Don't react as they want/hate something that you have.
d) Don't show off. If a jealousy related point is being discussed, change the conversation topic.
e) Distance yourself if you can. If you can't, try boosting their self confidence by praising their little things/acts.
f) Don't accept any rude behavior. Have a talk even if the jealous person is your friend.
g) Always remember that jealously only harms the person who exhibits it and not you. You can counter it by compassion and encouraging the other person to also achieve success.
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Parental/ peer pressure | Dealing with parental/peer pressure:
- Parents/Family pressure to get married:
a) Don't succumb to constant pressures to get married. Yes, seek their advice but you need to decide your appropriate age of marriage as its your life at stake.
b) If you are in a steady relationship, convey to your parents before they find out from someone else outside.
c) For parents' approval, invite your partner over to your house as a 'friend' first and let the parents/partner get to know each other. Initiate/facilitate conversation if required.
d) If you don't get immediate approval, chances are you will get parents approval over time if your partner continues to shower love and respect. If complete denial from parents, don't show any disrespect. Follow your heart/gut and take a firm, realistic decision in your interest as its your life. Over time, most parents accept the couple when they see the family growing and taking care of their parents.
- Parents not allowing their son/daughter to move to or study in another city:
a) Keeping children close to the family is a normal, common intent of parents based on financial, emotional, safety and security reasons.
b) Children need to allay their parents' fears by asking what their top 2 or 3 concerns are and then objectively find solutions to those issues.
c) 'Girls/Boys only' accommodation, 'part time work' to generate money, regular 'in touch' modes of communication help convince parents.
- Parents pressure to be perfect OR exams expectations:
a) Some parents are not aware of their child's progress on a 'regular' basis. Youngsters should proactively reassure their parents by giving updates on his/her accomplishments/progress to allay their fears.
b) Few parents also try to live their dreams through their children and thus end of putting too many expectations on the child. Parents need to understand that too much pressure may lead their child to lack of sleep, mood swings or bad academic performance. So do not cross the limits. Majority of youngsters do not get 90+% marks or A+ grades but most still do very well later in life. Guide them so that they imbibe good academic and life skills. For tips to study better from experts: Click here
c) For youngsters, obeying what parents say like finishing work first and meeting their expectations will obviously ensure less pressure. If you are unable to cope up with this, release all guilt and be firm to convey to your parents what your dreams and aspirations are, be it marriage or career path or education. Be sincere and committed to your dreams and know that it is possible to convince parents for anything if lines of communication are open and emotions are not involved but logic is clear. Talk to them politely asap about how you feel if you feel stressed. But also do acknowledge that some pressure for education helps you perform better. So evaluate the benefits of whats being told/advised, compromise a bit and don't push back always. Take help of close relatives if required.
- Peer pressure (Comparison with people of similar age group and your actions/moods getting influenced):
a) Stop comparing with others: You can go ahead in life only by developing your own unique qualities. Rejoice in success of others & don’t feel let down/jealous if someone achieves something that you want. If it has come to someone, it can come to you too. Use this opportunity to inspire yourself to follow the path laid down by other successful people.
b) At work: Sometimes we waste too much time thinking about someone who doesn't think about us for a second. Learn to ignore some people's reactions who are not close to you. If you feel too pressurized, don't lower your confidence or spoil your mood. You too possess some skills, decide what you want to do. Have a polite and direct conversation with someone who might be bothering you negatively. Talk to a trusted close friend/relative to seek advice. Make your choices, be comfortable, learn to say 'no' if feeling stressed and be firm on what you think is right.
c) At school: Parents should get to know their child's friends. Guide them to build a mixed but good friends circle. 'Never compare' them with others or criticize their actions outside. Teach your child to say 'No' to a bully or ignore any person trying to harm him/her. Ask your child to recall a time when a fellow student asked their child to do something they really didn't want to do. Listening their interests, setting realistic expectations, helping build their confidence, praising their accomplishments with words of appreciation go a long way to reduce peer pressure.
- Parent Child Sibling problems: For more solutions to problems related to parents/child/brothers/sisters: Click here.
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