What is an orgasm? How does one know when a person gets one?
- An orgasm (also known as climax) is a sudden, intense discharge of pleasurable physical feelings, usually accompanied by an ejaculation that occurs during vaginal sexual intercourse or masturbation.
- The intensity of pleasure and hence orgasm varies from person to person and male/females. Majority of women don't achieve an orgasm without direct clitoral/G-Spot stimulation.
- Usually referred to as the peak of sexual activity, a woman's orgasm usually lasts about 20 to 25 seconds while a man's orgasm lasts about 15 to 20 seconds on an average.
- Its not necessary that a person will achieve an orgasm during each sexual intercourse. There is nothing wrong in it and the person is medically fit and normal.
- It is possible for a woman to reach an orgasm even without sexual intercourse. She can 'climax' by masturbating/stimulating her clitoris.
- Statistically, about 10% women have never experienced an orgasm in their life and 40% are sexually dissatisfied or experience difficulty achieving orgasms.
How to have safe sex?
How to ensure safe sex, avoid sexually transmitted diseases and have fun?
- Foreplay: Indulging in foreplay is critical for reaching orgasm. Good sex lasts at least 15-20 mins on an average.
- Do not have unprotected sex: Always use condoms or some contraceptives for protection against pregnancy and STD (sexually transmitted diseases).
- Mutual: Have sex when both partners feel like doing it. Never overdo it or force a partner to do something against his/her wish. Avoid having sex with multiple partners.
- Inviting: Make sure you and your partner are clean and hygienic while having sex. Sometimes oral or anal anal leads to higher chances of getting infections.
- Be open: Talk about sex with your partner. Share what you like and what you don't during sex.
- Experiment: Create the right romantic surroundings once in a while. Try different poses to break the monotony.
How do I know if my partner is a virgin(one who never had a sexual intercourse)?
- There is no way to find out whether a boy/girl is a virgin or not. No medical device or medical science can determine this. The only way is by ASKING him/her and assuming he/she is telling the truth.
- After 1st intercourse, a girl's hymen breaks and you might see some blood. Seeing no blood during first intercourse does not mean that she is not a virgin as her hymen may be torn anytime during some intense physical activity like horse riding, exercising etc.
- Women who are into sports & aerobics have more chances of breaking their hymen easily.
- Boys don't have a hymen. You can just talk to each other openly and know things better.
- Trust and emotional connection amongst partners are more important factors than just virginity.
What causes premature ejaculation(coming too quickly) in men? How do I control it?
- Anal exercise: When one is close to the ejaculation point, contract the anus area by pulling the anus inward. Repeating this in quick succession for about a minute helps over a period of time.
- Anxiety: There is no specific cause but anxiety is a big contributing factor among men below age 30. Learn to calm your anxiety levels and give your partner more attention in the beginning.
- Foreplay: Give yourself time to get aroused. Focus on foreplay, romantic talks with your partner and do not rush, sex is not a race! If about to ejaculate, think of something very different to regain control.
- Pelvic muscle contraction: Pushing/massaging the pelvic floor muscles (around scrotum, penis & anus) may delay ejaculation.
- Breathing: Doing 20 minute deep breathing exercises daily helps in calming arousal and ejaculation process.
- Almond milk: Soak 8 to 10 almonds overnight & peel off their skin in the morning. Put 1 cup milk (cow's milk ideally) in a blender, add the almonds and a pinch each of cardamom, ginger & saffron. Drinking this every morning helps.
- Sexologist: Avoid visiting shady sexologists as they usually strip people off by selling non effective drugs.
- Creams: Do not use 'desensitizing' lotions as they may lessen the sensation and pleasure during intercourse.
Condom if partner on pill?
Do I need to use a condom when my partner is already on birth control pills?
- Ideally yes. Birth control pills prevent pregnancy to a great extent but using condoms provides extra protection.
- If you are taking a pill, you are protected only against pregnancy. Pill does not protect you from HIV/AIDS or any other sexually transmitted disease.
- Never use two condoms together as friction between them may cause breakage.
- To explore healthy family planning options for men and women: Click here
Sexual intercourse painful?
Why is sexual intercourse painful for some women?
- Foreplay: Assuming sex is with the consent of both partners, it usually is slightly painful when partners have sex without adequate foreplay. Spend about 15-20 minutes on foreplay(kissing/cuddling etc) before actual intercourse.
- Vaginal infections: Also sometimes cause pain for some women.
- Not having fun: If a woman is not interested in sex, normal vaginal lubrication does not happen which causes pain.
- Monthly cycle: A woman may experience pain during her periods. So be considerate and make her comfortable.
- Tension/Stress: May cause vaginal tightness which may result in pain during intercourse. For solutions to problems related to husband-wife issues: Click here
Sex during pregnancy?
Can we have sex during pregnancy?
- Yes. You can have sex during pregnancy, even till the last month of pregnancy.
- Baby is protected by amniotic fluid in woman's uterus & any normal sexual activity won't harm the baby.
- As long as your partner is comfortable, most sexual positions are OK during pregnancy.
- Sexual desires of woman fluctuate during pregnancy stage. The couple should talk on what works best.
- The woman should be given more consideration at this stage as only she knows what exactly she feels.
- Indulge in cuddling, kissing, caressing more than just sexual intercourse.
- Pregnant woman must consult their doctor if there is any spotting/bleeding after an intercourse.
First time intercourse?
Does first time sexual intercourse hurt? Can a girl get pregnant after first time sex?
- If the first time sex is done with the right ambience and the consent of both the partners, there should be no pain at all and in fact, the sexual intercourse should be fun.
- It is painful mainly because the girl is not properly aroused and her vagina not sufficiently lubricated enough for comfortable penis penetration. Being relaxed, sufficient foreplay and usage of lubricated condoms helps.
- But, one may get pregnant everytime one has unprotected vaginal sex (without using birth control).
- Contraceptives/pills provide protection but are not 100% foolproof against pregnancy/HIV/AIDS.
- Use condoms as they are the best way to prevent any pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
At what age can a boy get a girl pregnant? Can a teenager get pregnant?
- There is no specific age for either a boy or girl to have sex.
- Boys can get a girl pregnant when they start producing active sperms.
- Boys/Girls - as early as 10 years of age - have been known to trigger pregnancy.
Pressure from friend for sex?
Getting pressure from friend to have sex. Am scared/reluctant. What should I do?
- Be clear: Let the person know your feelings. Do not be afraid of losing your boyfriend or girlfriend if the pressure persists. You can always find another good trusted friend over time rather than succumb to the pressures of your friend and get stressed/depressed later.
- Your relationship: It is a signal that you are not in a right relationship and you should be firm in saying NO.
- True friend: Some friends look mainly for sex and some truly 'care'. Just sex will NOT bring you closer. Find a friend who truly cares for you and one you can trust.
- Selfish attitude: Even if a close friend tries to pressure you into having sex, then he/she may only be looking to satisfy his/her own feelings and sexual urges. Walk away!
- Connection: Sex is not mandatory for having a good relationship. It involves trust, mutual respect and a deep level of commitment. Emotional connection is more important than just a physical one.
Is masturbation bad?
Is masturbation bad? Myths? Will masturbation be a problem for sexual intercourse?
- Masturbation is natural, healthy and no longer considered sinful today for both men and women. It has no side effects, relieves tension, stress and can sometimes also help with the inability to sleep.
- It does not pose problems for sexual intercourse, nor reduce sperm count. It does not decrease the size of testicles, nor lead to baldness or growth of abnormal hair on body.
- More than 90% men and 50% of women have masturbated at some point of time in their lives. There is evidence that women who masturbate are more likely to reach orgasm(climax) during sex.
- Many people feel guilty about it and this sense of guilt sometimes manifests itself leading to premature ejaculation in men. So don't feel guilty. It will not cause any problem as long as you do it in 'moderation'.
- Suggested average frequency in males is 3 to 4 times a week. But when practiced in excess, it does cause stress, weight loss, fatigue, memory loss, lack of concentration and lowers sexual desire.
- If you have frequent strong urges, follow relaxing techniques like exercise/walk, play outdoor games, meet your friends rather than developing a behaviour that could potentially lead to addiction.
- There is no relationship between masturbation and cancer as some people believe. Although not clinically proven, but some scientific studies over years suggest that masturbation- in moderation- can lower the risk of prostate cancer, based on theory that it allows the prostate to clear itself of carcinogens.
- It is better to masturbate -in moderation- than to have unprotected sex with unknown partners as it eliminates the potential for transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.
What is G-spot?
What and where is the G-Spot in a woman?
- G-Spot is on the top wall about 2 to 3 inches inside the vagina and all women have it.
- It is a small bean sized sensitive area.
- Continuous stimulation of the spot for a few minutes creates intense pleasurable feelings in most women.
- Rub your fingers on the G-Spot -sideways and in circular motion- with varying speed and pressure. Make sure to cut your nails to avoid any scratch or an infection.
Ejaculation near vagina?
If a man ejaculates outside a woman's vagina, can a woman get pregnant?
- Yes. Although pregnancy is less likely to occur without penetration but it still is possible.
- Even if no intercourse takes place or if a male pulls out just before ejaculation, sperm may be present in 'pre-come' and even very small amount of sperm released around the vagina may trigger pregnancy.
Normal sex frequency?
How often do couples have sex?
- Not counting exception cases, most settled couples have sex 3 to 6 times a week during first few years of marriage, which gradually reduces to 3 to 6 times a month by around 10 years of marriage.
- Frequency varies a lot depending upon number of factors. There is no one right answer. Remember, don't count!
- Quality of sex is more important than quantity. Good sex usually should be for 15 to 30 minutes with emphasis on foreplay.
- Also, accept that no sex for many days/weeks is ok if your partner so desires and does not put your relationship in jeopardy. If prolonged, talk to your partner about potential reasons for not having sex.
- Sometimes, common problems between couples lead to loss of interest in sex. For husband wife problems and solutions: Click here
Sex during period?
Can we have sexual intercourse during monthly periods?
- Yes but remember, pregnancy may occur even during your periods.
- Menstrual blood is a nice lubricant & may enhance sexual satisfaction for some couples. But both partners should talk and be comfortable.
- Most women feel uncomfortable having sex during their periods. So take them into confidence.
- Having unprotected sex during periods or other times makes you prone to infections. Better use condom.
- Remember, a girl can get pregnant if she has never had her period or has sex during her period.
- To avoid pregnancy, do not have sex without using any form of birth control. For options: Click here
Lost sex drive?
Don't feel like having sexual intercourse?
- During dating times, most put their best foot forward before marriage but some let themselves loose after marriage. Looks matter. Do spend some time on grooming your persona.
- Gaining too much weight reduces sexual desire of the opposite partner. Women should strive hard to take care of her appearance & also accept declining testosterone levels of a man as age advances. Men should address physical factors- if any- like low testosterone/erectile dysfunction and be sensitive to woman's monthly cycles.
- Switch off distracting endless TV programs or social networking urges around bedtime. Create the right ambiance in the room based on mutual preferences like putting on light, soft music etc. After dinner, look honestly into his/her eyes, hold hands, go for a walk together, smile often to show you enjoy his/her company.
- Your emotional state of mind & feelings dictate your desire for sex. How your day was also gets into your bedroom. Take steps to address stress, job problems or quarreling issues as they hinder sexual desire.
- Both partners should talk/ask each others' sexual preferences. Even if sex declines, touch, caresses, kisses and hugs should not. Do try to 'enjoy' sex instead of 'going through the motions'.
- No sex because children insist on sleeping with parents is ok as an exception. But as a norm, be firm and politely ensure children sleep in their own room.
Can a girl prevent pregnancy by douching/washing vagina right after sex?
- No. Douching or washing the vagina aggressively with water or any other liquid does not prevent pregnancy.
- It may actually increase the pregnancy chances py pushing the sperms in or of contracting an infection.
Difficulty getting an erection/Impotency? What is the cure? Low ejaculation?
- Erectile dysfunction or impotence: A man's inability to have or maintain penis erection sufficient for vaginal sexual intercourse. Some men lose their penis hardness when trying to put on a condom.
- Prolonged Stress, negative emotional factors, high blood pressure, excessive smoking/alcohol, depression, diabetes, poor dietary habits, obesity are known to contribute towards impotency.
- Massaging lower abdomen pubic area with oil & Yoga helps improves circulation and reduces risk. Every night, drinking a cup of milk with a pinch of saffron added helps and also increases sperm count.
- Oral drug Viagra works for most men within an hour. The effect lasts for about 4 hours. But such drugs are known to have some unsafe side effects. So consult a doctor before starting to take any such drug.
- Do not worry if it happens once in a while but for checking details: Click here.
What is the average penis size? Is curved penis normal?
- Average length of a penis when erect is about 9 to 18 cms long and varies from person to person.
- During erection, it is normal for a penis to curve or lean a bit towards right or left side.
- Note that there are no drugs that can make a penis bigger. Stay away from advertisements that promise to enlarge a penis. Some practitioners inject fat into a penis to make it look bigger but that goes away after a few months leaving a lumpy bad penis.
- More importantly, men think that having a long penis will make women more happy and improve their sexual performance which is so not true.
- People with a short penis are known to sexually satisfy a woman very well while there are men with a long one who cannot. The biggest sex organ is... your brain! Think how can you satisfy a woman's desire by your attention, kissing and unconditional love.
What are nightfalls in men? Are they abnormal? What is the normal frequency and cure?
- Nightfalls or Wet dreams(swapnadosha) are common in males- especially teenagers - in which uncontrolled ejaculation(discharge of semen) occurs during sleep time at night. Do NOT worry, this is completely normal.
- When boys enter puberty, hormonal changes occur which sometimes result in spontaneous erections during sleep. This is natural and a part of normal development. Discharge may happen with or without erotic dreams.
- Frequency: Once or twice a week is normal. Varies from person to person. Excessive porn or masturbation results in more nightfalls which may cause fatigue, low sperm count, weak eyesight and memory problems.
- For controlling this: You will have to take multiple steps. Wake up early in the morning and drink 1 glass of water on empty stomach. Have 1 banana and pomegranate(anar) daily.
- Following are very useful in curing nightfalls: Take 2 garlic capsules with half glass of water after lunch or dinner. Before going to sleep, take equal quantity of amla and sugar powders, mix and take it with water.
- Never try to hold urine pressure during day times. Pausing in the mid-stream of urination is also suggested by health practitioners to cure this problem. If desired, masturbate but only in moderation. For details: Click here
What is female menopause? When does it happen? Is it normal?
- Menopause is the time in a woman's life when her periods (monthly cycles) occur less often and eventually stop. It normally occurs in women age 45 - 55 or after approx 30 - 35 years of monthly cycles in a woman's lifetime.
- After menopause, a woman can no longer get pregnant as her ovaries- which are the main source of female hormones- stop producing eggs & produce less estrogen/progesterone.
- In rare cases, women in their 30's may experience menopause. Those having irregular periods or those who miss periods for months and then get them suddenly one day or having hormonal condition such as thyroid are at higher risk of an premature menopause.
- Menopause is a natural and expected part of a woman's aging and does not need to be prevented. It can start gradually or suddenly. A menopause is considered complete after she has not had a period for 1 year.
- To avoid post menopausal risks of osteoporosis(thinning of bones), women are advised to take Calcium, Vitamin D and to exercise regularly.
- Prolonged stress, junk food, alcohol and lack of exercise also contribute towards an early menopause.
- Some of the menopause symptoms include less frequent periods, sleeping problem, loss of interest in sex, headaches, vaginal infections. If you frequently experience these symptoms, contact a doctor.
- To reduce the risk of early menopause, some women may be prescribed 'Progesterone' hormones.
Do males also have a menopause? When does it happen? Is it normal?
- Yes. But unlike a woman's case in which 'full stoppage of monthly periods' is considered complete menopause; in case of men- a decline in the production of 'testosterone hormone' with aging is considered 'male menopause'.
- It however is a much slower process. On an average, testosterone decline throughout adulthood is about 1% a year after age 30. By about age 70, the decrease in a man's testosterone level can be as much as 50%.
- Also, unlike ovaries in women, the testes in men continue to make testosterone and a healthy man may be able to produce sperms even after passing 80 years of age.
- Some of the menopause symptoms include fatigue, sleeping problem, loss of interest in sex, increased body fat, reduced muscle bulk, loss of self confidence and depression.
- For low testosterone levels, 'testosterone replacement therapy' is sometimes advised to help relieve severe symptoms but, as with hormone replacement therapy in women, this therapy also has potential risks and side effects.
Marrying cousin a problem?
Does marrying a close relative or first cousin cause genetic problems?
- This is considered a social taboo & unacceptable in some parts of the world.
- In some religions, marriage with cousins is strictly prohibited.
- Chances of a genetic anomaly/disability is possibly greater with close blood relatives because of the shared genotype of the parents or grandparents.
- Although clinically not proven, but studies say that children of first cousins are about 2 to 3% more likely to have birth defects/disabilities than the rest of the population.
Breasts and periods?
Why do girls have breasts and monthly menstrual cycles?
- Breasts contain mammary gland which secretes milk to feed infants/babies when they become mothers.
- During pregnancy, breasts tend to enlarge to produce milk. Even though breasts appear full all the time, they are filled with milk only when females give birth to a child, rest of the time they are made up of fat.
- In fact both boys and girls develop breasts from embryological tissues but at puberty(physical changes by which a child's body matures into an adult during teenage years), female sex hormones promote breast development more actively and as a result, women's breasts become far more prominent than those of men.
- Menstrual cycle is a series of changes in a female's body to prepare it for a pregnancy. About once a month, a uterus grows a new lining called endometrium to get ready for a fertilized egg.
- If no fertilized egg is received to start a pregnancy, uterus sheds its lining. This is monthly bleeding- also called menstrual cycle/periods. During this period, a female bleeds from her uterus through vagina.
- Girls usually start having menstrual periods between the age of 11 and 14 until menopause, around age 45-50. An average monthly cycle is of 28 days, although it is normal to have longer or shorter cycle. Duration of menstrual periods (bleeding) per month is of 3 to 5 days.
- Menstrual periods can be painful and females could face discomfort in the body like crampy legs and thighs, lower abdominal pain, sharp back pain etc. Some pain during periods is normal but see a doctor if you have excessive pain or bleeding.
TIP: Drink lots of water during periods and have food that contains iron. Avoid having tea or coffee in excess as it causes water retention and leads to more pain.
Why do we have hair underarms or pubic hair?
- As puberty(adolescence) begins in girls and boys, the body starts producing sex hormones known as androgens and in response, genital area begins to produce thicker, rougher and often curly hair with a faster growth rate.
- There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about having pubic hair(around penis or vagina) as it is a normal process of growth and it happens to everyone.
- Pubic hair have a purpose, they provide as a cushion against any friction that can cause injury and protect our genital area from bacteria and other unwanted germs.
- Armpit(underarms) hair helps to lessen the friction on the delicate skin under our arms when we move our arms.
- These hair naturally absorb sweat or other moisture from the skin which helps in maintaining good ventilation.
- If you want to shave your underarms hair and if your hair is long, trim before shaving. Shave with the direction of hair instead of against it to feel less irritation. Use a gentle, unscented shaving cream or gel.
- Complete shaving of pubic hair or putting a perfume may leave your delicate skin around penis/vagina vulnerable to infection. So its advisable to leave a little hair and never use a perfume around your private parts.